5 Comments

  1. Betty

    Carla,

    I agree with Rebecca. The world is a better place with you here. We need you here.

    My mom was on lithium, and my sister is still on lithium. I grew up repeatedly stopping my sister from attempting suicide…I remember when I was in third grade , home alone with her, having to take a butcher knife out of her hand as she was threatening to kill herself. It was hard. I’m told that my mom was hospitalized numerous times for suicide attempts before I was born. She even threw herself into the Arkansas river.

    All of my siblings have mental issues. Everyone says that I am the only normal one… The black sheep in my family. Inside, though, secretly I battle dark thoughts and depression. I often consider suicide, imagine purposfully crashing my car, or praying to get struck by lightening during a storm. Sometimes I wish I could just will myself to go to sleep and never wake up. I’ve never been on medication, or admitted any of this to anyone. What keeps me going is the thought of my kids growing up without a mother. I don’t want them to go through the hell I went through. I want to coach my daughter through pregnancy and childbirth in 17 years when she’s allowed to have children at 30. I want to know my grand kids. I want to feed them junk food, shake them up, and send them home. I want to travel, to go places I’ve never been. I have imagined my death a million times and in a million ways, but I always remember what I have to live for far outweighs my wish to stop living to end the pain of a haunting, abusive teen years, the daily stress of fighting with and raising teenagers, money problems, legal problems… All that will get better with time. Death is permanent.

    Reply
  2. Angela

    You need a dose of “Angela”. Hope we can get together soon. I love you dear!

    Reply
  3. Suzy Andersen

    There is a range of the emotions that I had while reading your post. Enumerating them won’t help since I think you’re already in a very complex situation. However, I think that it is good that you are expressing yourself. You need to let it out and have people help you with the problem.

    Reply

  4. There could be something incorrect with your site links. You should have a web developer have a look at the web site.

    Reply
    1. Carla

      I’m a developer. Why don’t you use the “Contact Me” form and explain your observations rather than posting an-off post comment? I always appreciate constructive feedback.

      Reply

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