*The following commentary contains some personal and candid information about the rectum, sphincter, and asshole. Please don’t read further if you are easily offended or have a weak stomach.*
[9:21 am Wednesday]
Well, it was a sleepless night. I was afraid of having an accident in bed. I got up at 5:30am and prepared for a 7:00am business networking meeting. As per my instructions, I started the day with a delicious breakfast of apple juice and two laxative pills. I was so full by the first one, I hardly see how I was able to down the second!
I arrived to my 7:00am meeting several minutes late. Can you guess why? Upon arrival, I was nowhere to be found for about 15 minutes. Can you guess why? When I left the meeting at 8:30am, I drove as fast as I could to my office. Shall I continue?
I’m not so hungry right now. I had a cup of coffee at the meeting and that seemed to help. I guess the more fluids I take in, the less chance I have of getting dehydrated, but it really contributes to the phenomena I like to call “gurgly gut”. When other people in the room hear the “gurgly gut” you know that a scene from Dumb and Dumber is about to unload (pun intended).